Jeanette McCurdy’s memoir isn’t just about her complicated relationship with her mom; it takes a hard look at a producer who took advantage of her during her time on Nickelodeon’s iCarly and Sam & Cat. She describes this person, whom she calls “the Creator,” as someone who subjected her to verbal abuse and inappropriate behavior. He also made her perform in disturbing scenes that he wrote and directed. It’s clear now that something was deeply wrong.
Jeanette also claims that Nickelodeon tried to hush her up with a $300,000 payout. While other former Nickelodeon stars have backed her up, Ariana Grande has stayed silent. That silence feels like a betrayal, and it makes me wonder if Dan Schneider played a role in turning Jeanette and Ariana against each other. I often find myself comparing my career to Ariana’s, feeling jealous whenever she achieves something exciting. It’s hard not to feel like she’s overshadowed my own experiences. I grew up in a tough, financially strained environment, while Ariana had a privileged upbringing. That contrast stings, and I can’t help but feel angry and envious.
When Jeanette became a star on Dan Schneider’s show iCarly, it seemed like she was living out every kid’s fantasy. But behind the scenes, things were far from perfect. As a homeschooled Mormon kid who never quite fit in, Jeanette felt a sense of validation from her newfound success. But that feeling quickly turned into something darker. She often cried to her mom, saying, “I don’t want to do this anymore,” only to be told, “We need this.” Jeanette felt guilty for wanting to quit, especially since, by the time she was 15, she was paying all the family’s bills and supporting them.
Her family had been struggling since the day she was born, so her mom put her into acting at age six to bring in some extra money. Jeanette’s mom saw her acting career as a way out of their difficulties. Jeanette’s devotion to her mom was intense, driven by a deep fear and a desire to do what her mom wanted. This devotion came from a place of pain; her mom had been diagnosed with stage four breast cancer when Jeanette was just two years old. The disease brought a heavy atmosphere of tragedy and fear to their home, leaving Jeanette’s earliest memories tainted by the threat of cancer’s return.
When Jeanette was only 11, her mom failed to protect her in a crucial way. Instead of being a source of support, her mom introduced her to the idea of anorexia. Jeanette remembers, “I found a lump in my breast and was terrified it might be cancer. I told my mom, and she brushed it off, saying, ‘You don’t have cancer; you’re just developing boobs.’ When I asked how I could avoid developing them, she suggested calorie restriction. It felt like she wanted to keep me as a child and under her control. I thought she was just looking out for me, believing that not having breasts would protect me from cancer and help me book more roles to support our family. On the outside, I was the happy Nickelodeon star, but inside, I was struggling and felt completely unsupported.”
Things got even harder when Jeanette was cast in her own iCarly spin-off, Sam & Cat, with Ariana Grande. She shares, “Ariana was becoming a big pop star and often missed work for award shows, recording sessions, and press events, while I stayed behind and took on more work with frustration. One week, I was told Ariana wouldn’t be on set at all, and they planned to write her absence into the episode by locking her character in a box. It felt like a real slap in the face.”
Jeanette’s struggles went beyond just scheduling issues with her co-star. She describes how the show’s creator manipulated her into uncomfortable situations. She recalls, “One day, he put his hand on my knee and then started giving me a massage. I wanted to say something, but I was scared of offending him. He tried to get me to drink, saying, ‘The Victorious kids get drunk together all the time. The iCarly kids are so wholesome. We need to give you guys a little edge.’ Was that really Dan Schneider?”
Jeanette doesn’t mention him by name in her book, but Dan Schneider, the creator behind iCarly and Sam & Cat, was known to create uncomfortable situations on set. Jeanette recalls feeling unsafe around him, especially after he tweeted something unsettling like, “Would you like to see Victoria Justice with ketchup all over her feet?” She felt constantly on edge, trying to manage his emotional needs, which echoed the way she tried to please both her mother and the creator.
When her mother’s cancer returned, it became too much for Jeanette. In her attempt to escape her problems, she moved to Hawaii with her boyfriend, only to find that her issues followed her. Her mother sent her harsh emails after seeing paparazzi photos of Jeanette and her boyfriend, expressing her disappointment in scathing terms: “Dear Jeanette, I am so disappointed in you. You used to be my perfect little angel, but now you are nothing more than a little, all-caps floozy, all used up. You caused my cancer to come back. That is disgusting.”
As her mother’s condition worsened, Jeanette still desperately sought her approval. In their final conversation, her mother, who was in a hospice bed with brain cancer, was barely responsive. Jeanette tried to get her attention by saying, “Mommy, I’m so skinny right now. Mommy, did you hear me? I’m down to 89 pounds.” But her mother remained unresponsive, and eventually, Jeanette’s mother passed away after a long struggle with cancer.
When my mom died, I was completely shattered at first. Then, almost immediately, I felt a tiny bit of relief, which was quickly followed by a wave of guilt and shame. I couldn’t believe I was feeling relief. Mom had been my everything; my entire sense of self had been wrapped up in her because she had defined who I was my whole life. I remember the first time I went to therapy and talked about my mom. The therapist said, “Jeanette, what you’re describing is abuse.” That was a huge shock, and it made me leave that therapist. Accepting that my mom was abusive would have meant completely rethinking my life, and that felt like an impossible task.
But dealing with my mom wasn’t the only trauma I had to face. For example, Nickelodeon once offered me a huge amount of money to stay quiet, and I turned it down. “I chose a path of integrity, even though it wasn’t easy,” I said. Nickelodeon later said their investigation found no evidence of sexual misconduct by Dan Schneider, despite reports that he admitted to asking for massages from female colleagues. The company eventually cut ties with him after 25 years. We don’t know why Ariana Grande hasn’t spoken out about her time at Nickelodeon, but Jeanette’s story shows just how difficult it can be to recognize and confront abuse. Sometimes, you have to come to terms with what you went through before you can start talking about it.
“I realized in that moment that I was doing a lot of mental gymnastics trying to keep my mom up on this pedestal where I wanted her to stay. But I knew that if I wanted to be healthy, I had to stop putting her on that pedestal.”
“Did you ever manage to forgive your mom for her actions and the problems they caused?” “I worked so hard on forgiveness, for what felt like forever. Then one day, my therapist said, ‘What if you don’t have to work so hard for forgiveness?’ I cried because it was exactly what I needed to hear.”
As Jeanette faced her pain, she saw her relationship with Ariana more clearly. “I was so young back then, and it was tough not to compare myself to someone who was always around. I made that mistake a lot. Now, I’m really glad I wouldn’t trade places with anyone. I wouldn’t have believed where I’d end up today if you’d told me back then.”
By speaking out about her own experiences, Jeanette helped others find their own path to healing. “Look at how many people you’re touching and helping. Facing the parts of myself I felt most ashamed of and sharing them has been incredibly healing and transformative. I hope others might consider doing the same for their own healing.”
